tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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