There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
