oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
