dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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