Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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