What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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