You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Even my vagina gasped.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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