Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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