your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
