Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
