What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
