Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
