We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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