i barfeds in our rink
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
