3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
