I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
