you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
