i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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