Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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