I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
