Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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