would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
