So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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