new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
