90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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