Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
