So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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