It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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