do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
