i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
