I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Life is so much better after having sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
