You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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