The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
