apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
