ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
