I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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