I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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