$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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