Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
