If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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