yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
