I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
