I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
