hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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