I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We have started to decorate penises.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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