dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
