He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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