Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
