your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
