Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize