I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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