Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
