Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
