Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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