Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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