it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
