idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
